Why?

Why...

am I still in love with you
do I want you back, even though I know I deserve better
do I continue to be fooled by thinking I will get you back
do I go to bed thinking about you
do I wake up still thinking about you
did I not receive what I gave
did you make me drive 6 hours there and back to dump me
did you pretty much ignore everything about me that weekend
did I spend all the time and money going to see you
did you not reciprocate but a few times
did I lose my virginity to you, only for you to hold it against me
didn't you share things with me
didn't you feel obligated to tell me things because 'we weren't married'
did I feel obligated because I was in love with you
did I sell a saxophone to start a savings account to buy you an engagement ring
did I completely change my future plans for you
did I then have to completely change them when you left
did you continue to string me along thinking you'd come back
wasn't our relationship fair
did I drop everything so often to help you through things, the few things you did openly tell me about
didn't you feel you should express more
do I want you to recognize that yes, I am the victim in this
don't you understand that
don't I still not truly know why you dumped me
is it that every time we discuss it, it is a different reason, and often times they contradict the other reasons
wasn't I 'good' enough for you
did I completely open up to you
is it that if I ever told you anything about how I felt, you would say I was attacking you
couldn't you ever tell me how you felt
did you pretend that you were still in love with me even though you weren't even trying to fix things
didn't you ever tell me beforehand so that we could try to fix things
is it that I still can't sleep well at night
did you want me to spend the night still after you dumped me
did I feel like committing suicide after the fact
did I manage to not drive off the highway on my drive home
did I manage to drive home with my heart torn out
didn't you kiss me more than a single time our last weekend together
did I wait 4 years for you
does it seem to have not affected you at all
does it still affect me terribly
do I still want to call you every day and tell you I love you
do I miss hearing your voice
do I want to text you still
did you stop talking to me
did you tell me you missed me only to stop texting me a day or so later
did you lead me on
do I feel like I never really mattered to you
has everything gone downhill for me since we broke up
can't I feel happy
aren't I over it
do I still cry over it
do I still feel heartbroken
is it that even though I'm trying to move on, I can't
do I feel guilty
can't I ever be in an equal relationship, or at least one that is more equal than the past have been

... mostly because I was clearly more in love with you than you were with me